my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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