I wanna bring you to show and tell
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
