dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
