And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
