this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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