in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
