I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
