spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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