Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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