Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
3 2 1 whiskey
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
