The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want her autograph on my taint
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
