so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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