Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
