We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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