last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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