his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
