No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
