I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
