my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize