I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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