well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
