Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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