Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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