My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
