cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
