there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I could fuck to npr.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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