Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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