I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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