Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
