I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
