i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
