i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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