A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
