I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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