the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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