Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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