Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
