oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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