wat bout pragnant strippers??
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
