Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
