dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
