please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
