If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize