This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
