yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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