you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
