my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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