Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
