dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
