At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
