Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize