Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
