Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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