Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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