he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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