omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
