You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
