Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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