I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize