I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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