is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
