Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
