you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
