i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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