I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
