i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
