You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
