He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
