the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize