May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
