life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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