Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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