The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
