just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
