Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize