apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
