Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
