Soap is not a condiment
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
